The state of the family in the United States is at an all time low. In the early 1800’s, a bunch of ungodly people began to set plans in motion that were designed to weaken the family. By the 1880’s or so, the opposition to their plans was all but gone. We have come a long way (down) since then. The family needs to be restored to its biblical pattern. What follows is not exhaustive by any means, but it will hopefully give you some things to think about. Here are seven areas of the family that could use rebuilding.
1. The way Christians get married. Many have noted the high divorce rate among professing Christians. While there are several factors as to why this is, part of the problem has to do with the way in which we go about getting to the marriage altar. The dating pattern that most Christians are familiar with does not come from the Bible. The world’s pattern is getting romantically involved with someone in order to “try them out,” and then repeating this process over and over again until you find the right one. This is usually done with very little input from the parents of those involved.
When someone is of the age to be married, the biblical pattern is for an authority figure (usually the father) to oversee the “courtship” process. This is to protect the purity of those involved, but also to give wise advice to the ones seeking to get married. The decision of whom you’ll marry is major one. Don’t make that decision alone, and don’t let your children make that decision alone. For more on the biblical pattern for choosing a spouse and the problems associated with dating, see our book “The Biblical Pattern for Choosing a Spouse.”
2. The role of husbands and fathers. In Christian circles, we tell men that they need to be the leader of their family. The problem is, most don’t even know what that means! Don’t think that putting food on the table and taking your family to church means that you’ve done your duty. One helpful way to look at the role of the man in the family is to see him as the prophet, priest, and king of the home.
He is a prophet, not because he foretells the future, but because he teaches God’s word to his family. In the Bible, the majority of commands dealing with the discipleship/education of children are given to fathers. I think a case can be made from Scripture that the husband also has a role in discipling his wife as well.
He is a priest because he is to intercede for his family in prayer.
He is a king in the sense that he is the primary authority in the home. Of course, his authority must be lovingly exercised in submission to God’s authority. A king also has the responsibility to protect those in his care. For fathers, this not only means protecting your family from would-be assailants, but also from ungodly influences that may invade your home through the TV, radio, or internet.
3. The role of wives and mothers. If the husband is the “king” of the home, then the wife is the queen. God has given the wife authority in the home as well. Her authority is not given to her by her husband, but by God. The household is foundational to all of society. Its importance is hard to overestimate. You will not have strong homes if you do not have godly, intelligent, wise, diligent, strong and caring wives and mothers.
This doesn’t mean, of course, that a woman has no role or purpose apart from her household. But it is, regardless of what the feminists say, an honorable and important role. While many modern women seek to be doctors, lawyers, policewomen, or politicians, being a keeper of the home is a much more important job. In fact, in societies where women are skilled in their roles within the family, you’ll need fewer doctors, lawyers, policemen, and politicians!
If all this talk of women being keepers of the home is making you uncomfortable, please go back to point #2. There you’ll see that men also have many responsibilities in the home. And if you look around you, you’ll see that both men and women have fallen short of the Bible’s pattern for home life.
4. Home discipleship/education. Is there anyone on earth who thinks that education is not an important issue? If that person exists, I’ve never met them. Since education is such an important issue, you’d think that maybe God’s word might have something to say about it. It does! There are dozens of commands in Scripture that deal with the education of children (though the word education is not used), and every single one of them is given to parents. There are no commands for the church or the government to educate or disciple children (education and discipleship are the same thing).
This is not to say that children may only be taught by their parents and no one else, but it is to say that parents are to be the primary educators of their children. If Johnny wants to be a rocket surgeon, and you know nothing about rocket surgery, then, of course, you can have someone else teach him about rocket surgery. Just be careful about who you enlist to teach Johnny, lest they undo all that you have taught him.
While the biblical pattern is home/parental education, I realize that not everyone is in a situation where they can have their children with them for the majority of the day. Start doing what you can now, and if possible, change your situation.
5. Fruitfulness. The command to be fruitful and multiply has never been rescinded. One of the ways that the gospel spreads and the Kingdom grows is through God’s people having children (and then discipling them). Many complain about the fact that Muslim population growth is outpacing that of America and Europe. That’s because the Muslims are obeying the Bible and Christians aren’t! The Bible says that children are a blessing, not a burden. And yet, many Christians take pills and get surgeries to make sure that God doesn’t bless them too much.
If you are unable to have children, there are many who need to be adopted. Wouldn’t it be great if atheists or homosexuals had trouble finding children to adopt because the Christians got them all?
It is not a sin to have a small family, but neither should having a large family be seen as a burden. Large families can bring with them unique challenges, but by training your children to pitch in and help out around the house (instead of playing video games), much of these challenges can be alleviated.
6. Family economies. The family is an economic unit. In fact, the word “economics” comes from a word that means “house law,” in other words “the way in which a household is run.” The family business is a good example of a household being an economic unit. Family businesses are mentioned quite often in Scripture. Our Lord even took over the family carpentry business for a time.
And yet, it’s not a sin to be employed by someone else, and there are many godly people in the Bible who weren’t business owners. Even if you don’t have a business that the members of your family can participate in, you can still have a household economy. In fact, you do have a household economy; the question is: how well does it function?
When you have a project around the house, do you hire it out, do it yourself, or have your family help you? The more hands you have helping you, the more time and money you can save. The more time and money you save, the more you and your family can serve God and others. Even if you don’t have a business, maybe your children could have a side business. Not only will they be helping out financially, but they’ll be learning business skills, money management, and whatever skill the job requires. While you shouldn’t think of your children as slaves, it is reasonable (no, make that biblical), to have them be productive members of their families. Even young children can do something to help out.
7. Multigenerational vision. Often, Christians don’t think past the next couple of years, much less the next couple of generations. It should be our goal to see our families walking with the Lord for the next 1,000 years. Of course, there is only so much influence we can have on our families after we die, but we can have some influence.
Communists of all stripes (even before Karl Marx) have always tried to break the connections between one generation and the next. God, on the other hand, wants there to be continuity between the generations. When God’s commands are obeyed, the result will be progressive familial sanctification, which is a fancy way of saying that each successive generation will be more godly than the one before it. I don’t have to tell you that the norm in our day seems to be the opposite. This is partly because Christians aren’t even thinking about passing on the faith to their great-great-great-great-great-great (you get the picture) grandchildren.
One of the more famous passages on family life is Joshua 24:15. In it, Joshua says that his house (family) will serve the LORD. Joshua spoke these words at the end of his life. He assumed that his family would be serving God after he departed. Can you say the same?